Untitled
Lou crushed the beer can in his fist, and said morosely, "I shouldn't have done it. I only got a look at him from behind, and I just didn't figure it would do any harm. Jebediah ain't been the same ever since Jackie ran over his dog last year. I was just trying to divert him a little." He picked up his CAT hat. "I just didn't know it would turn out like this." He turned the cap over and over in his hands, nervous, guilty, not knowing what to make of the cat that lived there (you've all heard ITS story, haven't you? As chronicled by Dr. Geisel). The aforementioned dog used to live there, but after the big splat-ter-oonie, we settled Mable in there, hoping she could nurse Jeb back to health with her pancakes. He didn't know Jeb would go and turn around just then. It figured. At least Mabel was okay compared to Lisa-Ann. They had taken a dislike to Lisa-Ann about as fast as a thunderstorm could roll in on a summer day. Mabel had been spring to them. Strawberry-banana-oatmeal spring, flipped once served with butter. Ted "The Teddy" Tuskadero despised her more than words could say (so I won't bother), but he liked Elsa, so, I mean, what does his opinion count for, ja? Then the Lisa-Ann fad passed and she became about as popular as popovers in a drought. She'd go to the drive-in and she could never stay in one car. They'd bribe her with popcorn or tell her that her nails were pretty. On Sundays, everybody wanted her in their pew. That's where Jebediah had met her, and then her sister, Jackie. Those two never got on, but that didn't stop them. They loved to hate each other, and hated to love each other just as much.
"I like your poodle skirt, its the best!" Jackie whispered by way of an introduction. The minister droned on overhead, and Jeb was nodding off between them. "Your new FACE would accessorize way better, though, the old one's got too much puce." woke him back up for round 1 of the day's volley of hate. Jeb grabbed Jackie by the arm and hauled her to the foyer for some old fashioned discipline. They got Jackie started, and finally the dog got killed, and Jeb got suicidal. If Lou had just seen the look on his face, he never would hung the "Kick Me" sign on him at lunch break. And now Jeb's all et up in the nickle press, and the town's poorer because of it.
