Story Go Round 02/08/2002, round 3, #1

Interview with a Scumbag

Interviewer: Hello, Scumbag. Welcome to our show.

Scumbag: Thanks, Interviewer. Glad to be here. Nice place you've got here. I like the mauve bean bags and the ricotta statues.

Interviewer: Uh, thanks. Congratulations on your new movie, 'A Pond with a View.' I hear it's filled with scintillating algae shots and then there's that much anticipated mosquito larvae action sequence.

Scumbag: Uh, yeah. But don't ruin it for them.

Interviewer: That isn't the half of it! So, how do you think your identity as scum has changed, given the rave reviews of Swamp Digest.

Scumbag: I like what they say, it gives me a good feeling. But heck, I can't rely on what they say. People been talking me down since my first movie "Dude, Where's my Filter?" But I fought, my manager fought, and I'll never be typecast like that again.

Interviewer: Ummm... well, yes, certainly.

Scumbag: Never. NEVER - YOU HEAR ME - NEVER! (sits back down) Hey man, I really like yer tie. Walmart?

Interviewer: No, 7-11. So the hot rumor is that you and the lily pads couldn't keep off of each other. Is that true?

Scumbag: I'm not one to adhere & tell ... (smirk) But the real story is what the frogs were doing down in that mud come winter time. Hibernation - or whatever they call it - sure looks fun when there's two of you, is all I can say. I don't think about that stuff, it's all behind me. I'm demanding Jennifer Aniston in my next film, and I think I'm going to get her. She says she keeps swallowing me on the kissing scenes, but I think she's just putting on airs - you know she grew up 'cross the way from my uncle.

Interviewer: So, we're going to see a clip from your hair. [run clip] In it, we see grease, dandruff, tangles, bagel cheese, boxer shorts, bad girls, Mike Meyers, and of course, a love scene. (back to studio)

Scumbag: I'm the best. I rule. I'm better than you. Thppt! [roll credits]

Amber is purple; John is pink; Alan is blue; Terry is orange; Habeeb is green