Frankenstory 04/13/2002, round 1, #2

"Beyond Smelling Salts"

Out past the mud flats, past the salt flats, lay the smelling salts.

Word was, only one man kept a level head in parts reputed more monstrous

than evil itself. Harold was his name. Snakes

were his game. He played to win. He lived underground, and never

ate tuna melts on dark rye with dijon mustard. His other name was

Gige, the dark hearted. He fed on beetle feces, and had become the biggest

fan of Steve Martin the world had ever known. Which is how he got into snakes.

Adventurously, Chris and her stupid kid brother

thought Harold would like some sandwiches. They trotted out with their sacks,

and stepped right into a nest of hatching eggs. He cursed

and the salt snakes came rippling up the dune.

They ran, panting wildly, tripping over tumbleweeds.

When they came down off the salt high, Harold cried 'Doh!' flagellating himself

on the head, but missed. She picked up the vials and frantically

snorted each one, but, nothing. She could smell Harold's silent but deadly

snakes, and knew she had to make it to the tree fort soon, or she

would start having flashbacks. Harold was somewhere close, draining her hope.

But with an incredible stroke of luck, the mouth of a cavern

opened in front of him and swallowed him whole. He surfaced a week

later, corpse gaseous, until he was resuscitated and the

fever had spent itself. He'd never recovered, and it always affected his

sense of taste. He couldn't savor salt anymore, so all that was left was to

watch that woman who turns out to be a salt-sucking monster on classic Trek.

Meanwhile Chris had escaped the snakes, but not the fame. Stepping

into the cruiser, flashbulbs popped. A mother sobbed. Only

Chris knew why, add she wasn't smiling.

A small child clutching a blanket

wanted to know if they had really seen a salt diamond down

in the deeps of the mines that was as big as the head of a really big man,

and would they go back?

Chris, wondering why her kid brother was suddenly here again, started answering, but

Papa interrupted, "I've heard enough!" He growled,

"Pass the Smelling Pepper!"

Amber is purple; John is pink; Alan is blue; Terry is orange