Sweaty Donuts
"Sweaty donuts!"
"I want the green one!"
"I always wait until the sweat dries, so its crusty!"
"Yeah, encrusted with salt like a sweet, sweet pretzel."
"Ooh, nothing beats salt and chocolate - and then there's the tang of sweat, like a bonus flavor."
The girls watched the hairy cook pour the batter and the scrawny clerk ready to take their money, and speculated about whose sweat they used.
"I'll bet its 'anonymous', like blood in hospitals." Shauna likened everything to hospitals, she was cute that way.
"Nah, they get it in these big 5 gallon buckets, from workers in Malaysia, or sumpin."
"Oh," Lila said with no small amount of excitement. "Do you think they have those at Costco? Then we could make our own, at home..."
"That would be so fabulous - we tried to do it at home once when I was nine, but we couldn't put together enough sweat, and it didn't taste right."
"My grandma used to can sweat, so they could eat donuts during the winter."
Glistening golden baked goodies chugged down the conveyor belt past them, each one perfection. The girls tried to resist the urge to simple reach out and take them.
"You ladies going to buy something?" the cook asked.
"I'll take a dozen Reekers, and," she paused trying to resist but knowing she wouldn't be able to in the end, "and a chocolate-urine cruller."
"Sorry, we're out of those crullers today - the homeless guy we pay for the urine didn't show up."
"We've got the booger-snaps," the clerk squeaked, in his cracking adolescent voice.
Shauna piped up here. "Can I get a sample? I've never had one of those!" The clerk used a small pair of tongs to hand her one of the pale yellow-green confections. The melee of crunching was atrocious, and the cook told them to take it outside.
Just as they left the timer went off in back to signal that the Fart Filleds were done, and the two children who'd been waiting in line cheered excitedly. They just barely fit under the 'you must be no taller than this' sign. They couldn't approach the sophistication of the girls, who with their fake fur coats and their booger snaps, were the height of fashion chic.
In the parking lot Shauna gave Lila one of her Boogers, and Lila wolfed it down as she got in the open convertible. They had both been raised on sweaty donuts, and the bond between them had formed in part from the many times they'd shared one. Different guys had tried to lure them apart with sweaty gym clothes, but they weren't fooled by imitations.
Lile opened the big flat box and grabbed one with a napkin and passed it over to her friend and fellow fashionista. Shauna, less fastidious than her friend, forewent the napkin and plunged in barehanded. "Mmmmm," she said.
"Let's pull into Freddy's and grab Burpee Slurpees," she added a moment later.
"Okay," Shauna said, and turned the key in the ignition.
