Alice and the Meerkats
(post-titled by Jenn)
The meerkats were running roughshod all over the island, but Jack had no intention of telling Kate this especially after the embarrassing polar bear incident. You see, what had really caused that stain on her shirt was the byproduct of Hurley losing his lunch at the sight of the Giant robotic slug that had oozed over him in pursuit of the meerkat stampede down the beach.
She held his long curly hair as he heaved again.
"Wait!" Walt blinked staring down at his rainbow colored jungle pizza, "It's another hatch, but not with a weird Korean symbol. It looks like a..."
"Meerkat," Kate's voice trembled, "Wait are those letters?"
"J.J.A." said a voice behind them. It was John Locke. With a glimmer in his scar. "It's a sign," he said, "It means something. Jacob told me to look for those letters."
"I don't suppose he told you what they mean?" Jack asked demandingly.
Locke smirked at Jack just to get his goat.
Jack glared at Locke but Locke just ate it up.
Locke ignored Jack to be the monkey on his back.
Jack would have retaliated but Hurley interrupted them with his VW van.
"BEEP!" it wailed while Hurley yelled, "Watch out, dudes!"
"Stop, Hurley, stop!" screamed Kate, but Hurley was too intent on running down the hatch door.
"I got to end this, man, I can't take it!"
"End what?" Walt scratched his head.
"I can't take it," continued Hurley, "we're stuck on this island, nothing ever makes sense and every time they're going to finish up a plot line, they just add a new character." Suddenly the van hit the hatch and there was a strange mechanical clanking noise and a column of black smoke engulfed the van and dragged it off through the jungle.
"Hurley!" Locke yelled, but there was no reply.
"He's gone, John."
They all turned around to see Joe, who none of them had spoken to in three weeks.
Joe was the guy who had annoyed Rose three episodes ago by being chipper and up all the time until she banished him to the other, other, hatch. He now came running out of the jungle screaming "meerkats! the meerkats are behind it all!"
"What, brother?" Desmond asked calmly.
"They run the island! It like Planet of Apes, but Island of the Meerkats!"
They heard a scratching noise beneath them and looked down and up popped a little, sniffly head. It seemed to float up into the air supernaturally, but really it was on top of a head — JJ Abrams' head. He looked at all of them and said, "Man, I'm glad I didn't cast you in Cloverfield, 'cause you'd all be dead by now." And the meerkat went round and smacked them soundly on the cheeks and the show went to commercial.
